I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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