Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
