It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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