does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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