Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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