If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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