your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
