how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
