I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
