You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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