3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize