Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
