Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
