She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
