we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
