i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
