please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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