Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
