I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
