can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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