What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
two words: eviction party
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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