I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
