is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
