he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize