I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
