can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
too bad you live with your parents still
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
