dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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