I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
