My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
