I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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