What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
