I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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