I'm drive I can fine osifer
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
