Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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