Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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