dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
