Umm I'm too high to move.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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