ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize