Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
