so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
