I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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