I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize