I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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