I just pynch a tree in the face
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
