Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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