Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
