I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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