I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
