he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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