Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I intend to get homeless drunk
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
