he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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