if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
