you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
