Non-Jews are for practice
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
