I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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