I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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