I hate all girls vehemently.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
