Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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