i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
