i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
