he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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