I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize