in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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